Saturday, 30 August 2014
Friday, 29 August 2014
August 29th, 2:14 AM: Skynet Becomes Self-aware.
The Most Amazing Lie in History - the rather fascinating story of the guy who convinced the German army that D-Day wasn't going to happen at Normandy.
Heh - Customer Has Hilarious Norse Mythology-Themed Chat with an Amazon Customer Service Rep.
When Mom and Dad Birds Have Different Migratory Routes, Kids Fly Right Down the Middle.
The Dark Side of Grimms’ Fairy Tales.
Illustrations of Animals Being Built and Colorized by Tiny Figures.
ICYMI, Tuesday's links are here, including everything you ever wanted to know about whale vaginas (and more!), if guy best friends acted like girl best friends, and the woodpecker's guide to avoiding head injuries.
The Most Amazing Lie in History - the rather fascinating story of the guy who convinced the German army that D-Day wasn't going to happen at Normandy.
Heh - Customer Has Hilarious Norse Mythology-Themed Chat with an Amazon Customer Service Rep.
When Mom and Dad Birds Have Different Migratory Routes, Kids Fly Right Down the Middle.
The Dark Side of Grimms’ Fairy Tales.
Illustrations of Animals Being Built and Colorized by Tiny Figures.
ICYMI, Tuesday's links are here, including everything you ever wanted to know about whale vaginas (and more!), if guy best friends acted like girl best friends, and the woodpecker's guide to avoiding head injuries.
Thursday, 28 August 2014
TOKYO — A group of Japanese porn actresses are preparing to have their breasts squeezed by fans for 24 hours this weekend for a charity event loosely translated as “Boob Aid”.
The nine adult movie stars told local media on Monday they could barely contain their excitement about the “Stop! AIDS” campaign event—which will be televised live—but asked, perhaps somewhat optimistically: please be gentle.
“I’m really looking forward to lots of people fondling my boobs,” Rina Serina told the Tokyo Sports newspaper. “But I would be very happy if you would please be delicate.”
The event, the 12th since its launch in 2003, will be broadcast on adult cable television, with punters donating to the anti-AIDS campaign in exchange for a feel.
It comes after sexist heckling of a Tokyo assemblywoman hit the headlines, highlighting old-fashioned views toward women that still permeate Japanese society.
“I never thought my boobs could contribute to society,” added the ponytailed Serina, apparently unaware of any contradiction.
Fellow porn actress Iku Sakuragi had no qualms about being groped by hundreds of pairs of hands.
“It’s for charity,” said the 21-year-old. “Squeeze them, donate money—let’s be happy.”
The 24-hour “squeeze-a-thon” begins at 8 p.m. on Saturday and is backed by the Japan Foundation for AIDS Prevention.
 |
| xkcd |
According to the 1991 movie Terminator 2: Judgement Day, August 29th is the day Skynet becomes self-aware.
The Terminator: The Skynet Funding Bill is passed. The system goes on-line August 4th, 1997. Human decisions are removed from strategic defense. Skynet begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th. In a panic, they try to pull the plug.
Sarah Connor: Skynet fights back.
According to redditor UranusExplorer, this hilarious Norse mythology-themed chat conversation actually took place between him and an Amazon customer service representative. UranusExplorer initiated the chat after his Amazon package failed to arrive. A representative named Thor responded, and the two discussed the package issue in mythological terms as Thor and Odin.
via LaughingSquid
I have no use for Betjeman (official website, wiki), but was reminded earlier of his birthday and that always puts me in mind of the excellent parody, below. It was written by John Derbyshire, on of my favorite authors and a previous contributor to National Review. He was tossed for political incorrectness, and the poem above was pulled from their site after an hour or so but left available at Derb's site.
For reference, the original poem, Slough, is below the parody.
Come, friendly bombs, fall on D.C.!
It's not fit for humanity.
There's nothing there but villainy.
Swarm over, Death!
Come, bombs, and blow to kingdom come
Those pillared halls of tedium —
Hired fools, hired crooks, hired liars, hired scum,
Hired words, hired breath.
Mess up this mess they call a town —
A seat for twenty million down
And rights to the incumbent's crown
For twenty years.
And get that lobbyist who'll spin
His case to congressmen, who'll win
Amendments, raking fortunes in
For racketeers.
And smash his desk of polished oak
(Paid for by honest working folk
Toiling 'neath taxation's yoke)
And make him yell.
But spare the lesser worker bees,
Federal and private employees,
Working for meager salaries
In government Hell.
It's not their fault they cannot see
How power stifles liberty,
How citizens who once were free
Become enslaved.
From childhood they've been raised to think
That federal power solves everything
They can no longer smell the stink
Of power depraved.
Spare these folk; reserve your fire
For those who wallow in the mire —
That smug, smooth, chauffered, canting choir
Of puffed-up fools.
Come, friendly bombs, fall on D.C.!
Leave it as it used to be:
Potomac winding to the sea
By tree-fringed pools.
Come, friendly bombs, fall on D.C.!
It's not fit for humanity.
There's nothing there but villainy.
Swarm over, Death!
Come, bombs, and blow to kingdom come
Those pillared halls of tedium —
Hired fools, hired crooks, hired liars, hired scum,
Hired words, hired breath.
Mess up this mess they call a town —
A seat for twenty million down
And rights to the incumbent's crown
For twenty years.
And get that lobbyist who'll spin
His case to congressmen, who'll win
Amendments, raking fortunes in
For racketeers.
And smash his desk of polished oak
(Paid for by honest working folk
Toiling 'neath taxation's yoke)
And make him yell.
But spare the lesser worker bees,
Federal and private employees,
Working for meager salaries
In government Hell.
It's not their fault they cannot see
How power stifles liberty,
How citizens who once were free
Become enslaved.
From childhood they've been raised to think
That federal power solves everything
They can no longer smell the stink
Of power depraved.
Spare these folk; reserve your fire
For those who wallow in the mire —
That smug, smooth, chauffered, canting choir
Of puffed-up fools.
Come, friendly bombs, fall on D.C.!
Leave it as it used to be:
Potomac winding to the sea
By tree-fringed pools.
Original:
Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough!
It isn't fit for humans now,
There isn't grass to graze a cow.
Swarm over, Death!
Come, bombs and blow to smithereens
Those air -conditioned, bright canteens,
Tinned fruit, tinned meat, tinned milk, tinned beans,
Tinned minds, tinned breath.
Mess up the mess they call a town-
A house for ninety-seven down
And once a week a half a crown
For twenty years.
And get that man with double chin
Who'll always cheat and always win,
Who washes his repulsive skin
In women's tears:
And smash his desk of polished oak
And smash his hands so used to stroke
And stop his boring dirty joke
And make him yell.
But spare the bald young clerks who add
The profits of the stinking cad;
It's not their fault that they are mad,
They've tasted Hell.
It's not their fault they do not know
The birdsong from the radio,
It's not their fault they often go
To Maidenhead
And talk of sport and makes of cars
In various bogus-Tudor bars
And daren't look up and see the stars
But belch instead.
In labour-saving homes, with care
Their wives frizz out peroxide hair
And dry it in synthetic air
And paint their nails.
Come, friendly bombs and fall on Slough
To get it ready for the plough.
The cabbages are coming now;
The earth exhales.
Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough!
It isn't fit for humans now,
There isn't grass to graze a cow.
Swarm over, Death!
Come, bombs and blow to smithereens
Those air -conditioned, bright canteens,
Tinned fruit, tinned meat, tinned milk, tinned beans,
Tinned minds, tinned breath.
Mess up the mess they call a town-
A house for ninety-seven down
And once a week a half a crown
For twenty years.
And get that man with double chin
Who'll always cheat and always win,
Who washes his repulsive skin
In women's tears:
And smash his desk of polished oak
And smash his hands so used to stroke
And stop his boring dirty joke
And make him yell.
But spare the bald young clerks who add
The profits of the stinking cad;
It's not their fault that they are mad,
They've tasted Hell.
It's not their fault they do not know
The birdsong from the radio,
It's not their fault they often go
To Maidenhead
And talk of sport and makes of cars
In various bogus-Tudor bars
And daren't look up and see the stars
But belch instead.
In labour-saving homes, with care
Their wives frizz out peroxide hair
And dry it in synthetic air
And paint their nails.
Come, friendly bombs and fall on Slough
To get it ready for the plough.
The cabbages are coming now;
The earth exhales.
Tuesday, 26 August 2014
Video: If Guy Best Friends Acted Like Girl Best Friends.
The True Story Of How France Became McDonald's Most Profitable Country.
The Woodpecker's Guide to Avoiding Head Injuries.
True Facts About Marsupials (PG-13 language) plus bonus Sad Dog Diary.
The Woodpecker's Guide to Avoiding Head Injuries.
True Facts About Marsupials (PG-13 language) plus bonus Sad Dog Diary.
200-Year-Old Alcohol Found in Shipwreck Is Still Drinkable.
99-Year-Old Lady Sews A Dress A Day For Children In Need.
Getting to Know Whale Vaginas in 7 Steps. Key quote: “You can easily fit your whole arm up in there.”
99-Year-Old Lady Sews A Dress A Day For Children In Need.
Getting to Know Whale Vaginas in 7 Steps. Key quote: “You can easily fit your whole arm up in there.”
ICYMI, Friday's links are here, including perfectly timed dog pictures, Orwell reviewing Mein Kampf, the science behind Captain America & the Hulk's superpowers, and stuff you (probably) didn't know about Back To The Future.
Monday, 25 August 2014
The Blue Angels (official website, wiki) are the stunt pilots of the United States Navy, and as cool as they look from the ground, it's even better from inside the cockpit.
Watch full screen.
Michael Ashton created this video using US Navy footage.
Pilots:
Navy Cmdr. Tom Frosch, 43, of Clinton Township, Mich.
Navy Lt. Cmdr. John Hiltz, 34, of Fort Mitchell, Ky.
Navy Lt. Cmdr. Nate Barton, 33, of Hummelstown, Pa.
Marine Major Brandon Cordill, 33, of Hemet, Calif.
Navy Lt. Cmdr. David Tickle, 32, of Birmingham, Ala.
Navy Lt. Mark Tedrow, 31, of Charleroi, Penn.
Passenger : LCDR Jim Hiltz, USCG
Editing and Post : Michael Ashton http://www.ashtonmike.com/
Music
Anchors Aweigh - Charles A. Zimmerman
Jack Conte - Daft Punk Skrillex Remix
Sunday, 24 August 2014
Saturday, 23 August 2014
From J.E. Dyer at Liberty Unyielding:
Four days ago, Reuters reported that ISIS had released a new video, in the wake of the video showing the beheading of journalist James Foley. ISIS called this new video “Breaking the American cross.”
Said Reuters:
The video with the theme “breaking of the American cross” boasts Islamic State will emerge victorious over “crusader” America. It follows a video posted on Monday warning of attacks on American targets if Washington struck against its fighters in Iraq and Syria. …
The video showed footage of President Barack Obama as well as strategic U.S. ally King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia, and attacks on American soldiers.
N.B.: This version is not linked to youtube so it will remain if/when they pull theirs.
Friday, 22 August 2014
New from Ze Frank:
A couple of bonuses - they're all excellent so it's hard to choose:
A couple of bonuses - they're all excellent so it's hard to choose:
True Facts About The Mantis:
But as much as I like these true fact videos, this remains my favorite - the Sad Dog Diary:
Happy Birthday, Dorothy Parker, born on this date in 1893: quotes, poems, bio, and the weird journey of her ashes.
25 Perfectly Timed Dog Pictures.
George Orwell Reviews Mein Kampf (1940) and “bag of wind,” Jean-Paul Sartre's Portrait of the Antisemite (1948). ("books on antisemitism tend to be mere exercises in casting motes out of other people’s eyes...")
Video: compilation of all of the Quentin Tarantino movie deaths, set to music.
Stanford University Biologist Explains the Science Behind Captain America & the Hulk's Amazing Superpowers.
14 Things You Don't Know About Back to the Future.
25 Perfectly Timed Dog Pictures.
George Orwell Reviews Mein Kampf (1940) and “bag of wind,” Jean-Paul Sartre's Portrait of the Antisemite (1948). ("books on antisemitism tend to be mere exercises in casting motes out of other people’s eyes...")
Video: compilation of all of the Quentin Tarantino movie deaths, set to music.
Stanford University Biologist Explains the Science Behind Captain America & the Hulk's Amazing Superpowers.
ICYMI, Thursday's links are here, and include the invention of the chicken nugget, what airlines owe you when you’re stranded, disappearing smells, and a squirrel-launching compilation.
“Their pooled emotions wouldn’t fill a teaspoon.”
“You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.”
“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”
“I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.”
Today is the 121st anniversary of the birth of American humorist, literary critic, and writer Dorothy Parker (wiki, biography.com) (1893-1967), born Dorothy Rothschild in West End, New Jersey. Parker grew up in New York City and in her 20s worked on the magazine Vanity Fair with Robert Benchley and Robert Sherwood. With them, she founded a legendary writer's luncheon group known as Algonquin Hotel's "Round Table", which ultimately included James Thurber, E.B. White, Ogden Nash, and Ring Lardner.
After 1927, Parker published incisive book reviews in her "Constant Reader" column in the New Yorker and made her literary mark with a series of poignant short stories about the cruelty and absurdity of city living. Later, she collaborated on several screen plays, including A Star is Born (1935), and served as a war correspondent in the Spanish Civil War. Her successes, including two Academy Award nominations, were curtailed as her involvement in left-wing politics led to a place on the Hollywood blacklist.
A few favorite quotes/poems:
“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”
“Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.”
“One more drink and I’ll be under the host.”
“It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.”
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Roumania.
"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised."
"It's not the tragedies that kill us, it's the messes."
My land is bare of chattering folk;
the clouds are low along the ridges,
and sweet's the air with curly smoke
from all my burning bridges.
By the time you swear you’re his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying -
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.
If you have some time, watch this - The Ten-Year Lunch; Wits & Legends of the Algonquin Round Table (Complete)
Dorothy Parker's memorial and the story of her remains - here's the short(ish) version:
Four suicide attempts never succeeded for Dorothy Parker. When she turned 70, she told an interviewer who asked what she was going to do next, "If I had any decency, I'd be dead. All my friends are." But death waited until she was 73, and a fatal coronary came on June 7, 1967.
Her will was plain and simple. With no heirs, she left her literary estate to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. She'd never met the civil rights activist, but always felt strongly for social justice. She named the acerbic author Lillian Hellman as her executor. Parker didn't want a funeral, but Hellman held one anyway, and made herself the star attraction.
Within a year of her death, Dr. King was assassinated, and the Parker estate rolled over to the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. To this day, the NAACP benefits from the royalty of all Parker publications and productions.
She was cremated, and this is where the story takes a sharp right turn. Parker was cremated June 9, 1967, at Ferncliff Crematory in Hartsdale, New York. Hellman, who made all the funeral arrangements, never told the crematory what to do with the ashes. So they sat on a shelf in Hartsdale. Six years later, on July 16, 1973, the ashes were mailed to Mrs. Parker's lawyer's offices, O'Dwyer and Bernstein, 99 Wall Street. Paul O'Dwyer, her attorney, didn't know what to do with the little box of ashes. It sat on a shelf, on a desk, and for 15 years, in a filing cabinet.
Hellman went to court to fight the NAACP over Parker's literary estate. Hellman lost in 1972 when a judge ruled that she should be removed from executorship. Hellman was adamant that she get Parker's money, and came out of the mess painted as a racist. She was sure the will was supposed to give her a huge sum. Hellman said, "she must have been drunk when she did it."
In 1988, someone figured out that Mrs. Parker's ashes were unclaimed, 21 years after her death. New York tabloids ran stories and readers sent in letters about what should be done with the dust. But the NAACP stepped in and took the box from Paul O'Dwyer's drawer. The NAACP built a memorial garden at the national headquarters in Baltimore, and interred the ashes there.
From Christopher Hitchens' 1999 Atlantic article on Parker: Rebel in Evening Clothes:
A small memorial garden was prepared on the grounds of the organization's national headquarters in Baltimore, and a brief ceremony was held at which Mr. Hooks improved somewhat on the terse line about "excuse my dust." It might be better, he said, to recall her lines from "Epitaph for a Darling Lady":
Leave for her a red young rose
Go your way, and save your pity.
She is happy, for she knows
That her dust is very pretty.
 |
"Here lie the ashes of Dorothy Parker (1893-1967) Humorist, writer, critic, defender of human and civil rights. For her epitaph she suggested "Excuse My Dust". This memorial garden is dedicated to her noble spirit which celebrated the oneness of humankind, and to the bonds of everlasting friendship between black and Jewish people." |
More at her website.
10 Things You Might Not Know About Dorothy Parker.
Thursday, 21 August 2014
This may, actually, be safe for work. It's safe in a language sense, anyway - since it's set to music all of the dialogue has been removed. The brutality is another issue. Movie list below the video.
Who knew you could fit all those deaths into less than four minutes?
Included movies:
Reservoir Dogs
Pulp Fiction
Jackie Brown
Kill Bill Vol. 1 and Vol. 2
Death Proof
Inglorious Basterds
Django Unchained
via Kuriositas.
Thieving squirrel stymied by vaseline-covered pole, plus squirrel-launching compilation
What do airlines owe you when you’re stranded?
The Cornell Professor Who Gave Us the Chicken Nugget.
Cookie Monster’s famous cookie dough recipe.
Seals carried tuberculosis across the Atlantic and gave it to humans - the disease was present in the Americas prior to European contact.
What do airlines owe you when you’re stranded?
The Cornell Professor Who Gave Us the Chicken Nugget.
Cookie Monster’s famous cookie dough recipe.
Seals carried tuberculosis across the Atlantic and gave it to humans - the disease was present in the Americas prior to European contact.
11 Smells That Are Slowly Disappearing.
ICYMI, Monday's links are here, including creepy superheroes, the worst 20th century technological screwups. hand-cut paper art, and ridiculous Japanese products.
ICYMI, Monday's links are here, including creepy superheroes, the worst 20th century technological screwups. hand-cut paper art, and ridiculous Japanese products.
Wednesday, 20 August 2014
Tax Institute:
Regional price differences are strikingly large, and have serious policy implications. The same amount of dollars are worth almost 40 percent more in Mississippi than in DC, and the differences become even larger if metro area prices are considered instead of statewide averages.
This tax map shows the real value of $100 in each state. Because average prices for similar goods are much higher in California or New York than in Mississippi or South Dakota, the same amount of dollars will buy you comparatively less in the high-price states, or comparatively more in low-price states. Using data from the Bureau of Economic Analysis, here's the adjusted value of $100, reflecting how prices are different in each state.
For example, Tennessee is a low-price state, where $100 will buy what would cost $110.25 in another state that is closer to the national average. You can think of this as meaning that Tennesseans are about ten percent richer than their nominal incomes suggest.
Adjusting for prices reveals average real incomes in Kansas to be higher than in New York, despite New York having much higher incomes as measured in dollars.
Tuesday, 19 August 2014
Great way to frustrate the squirrels, and much more humane than the electric-circuit-completion method used by a friend not too long ago:
via 22words
More squirrel-related links:
Killer Squirrel has World's Bushiest Tail.
January 21 is Squirrel Appreciation Day - more squirrel-launching videos here.
Riverside County squirrel tests positive for exposure to Bubonic plague.
Time to think of squirrel pie.
A fire that heavily damaged an apartment complex was started by a resident using a propane torch to remove a squirrel's fur.
The First-Ever World Champion Squirrel Cook Off.
via 22words
More squirrel-related links:
Killer Squirrel has World's Bushiest Tail.
Riverside County squirrel tests positive for exposure to Bubonic plague.
Time to think of squirrel pie.
A fire that heavily damaged an apartment complex was started by a resident using a propane torch to remove a squirrel's fur.
The First-Ever World Champion Squirrel Cook Off.
Monday, 18 August 2014
Roused by the lash of his own stubborn tail
Our lion will now foreign foes assail.
~John Dryden (Astraea Redux)
Our lion will now foreign foes assail.
~John Dryden (Astraea Redux)
Heaven has abandoned China owing to its haughtiness and extravagant luxury. But I, living in the northern wilderness, have not inordinate passions. I hate luxury and exercise moderation. I have only one coat and one food. I eat the same food and am dressed in the same tatters as my humble herdsmen. I consider the people my children*, and take an interest in talented men as if they were my brothers. We always agree in our principles, and we are always united by mutual affection. At military exercises I am always in front, and in time of battle am never behind. In the space of seven years, I have succeeded in accomplishing a great work, and uniting the whole world in one empire.
The greatest pleasure is to vanquish your enemies and chase them before you,
to rob them of their wealth and see those dear to them bathed in tears, to ride their horses, and clasp to your bosom their wives and daughters.**
 |
| John Wayne as Genghis |
One arrow alone can be easily broken, but many arrows are indestructible.
~Genghis Khan (variously attributed)
Today is the 787th anniversary of the death of Genghis Khan (wiki) (ca. 1162-1227), the founder and emperor of the Mongol Empire, the largest contiguous empire in history. Born in the Khenti Mountains of modern-day Mongolia, Genghis rose to power amid a grouping of warring tribes in northwest Asia and eventually united them into a powerful nomadic army that conquered most of the Chin empire of northern China (1213-15). Subsequently, from 1218 through 1224, he subjugated Turkistan, Transoxonia, and Afghanistan and raided Persia and eastern Europe. (For a generation after his death, his sons and grandsons pushed the Empire even farther, but ultimately, it fractured into several khanates and faded away.) Genghis Khan was one of history's most inspired - and ruthless - military leaders, yet he is buried in an unmarked grave at some unknown location. At one point in his ascendency he is said to have remarked,
"Conquering the world on horseback is easy: it is dismounting and governing that is hard."
 |
| Conan, not Ghengis |
**This is the origin of the similar line in Conan the Barbarian (musical version here): when Conan is asked what is best in life, he responds. "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women."
*Many of the people, as it turns out, were his children. Here is an interesting article about the latter-day demographics that resulted from the Mongol conquest:
Genghis Khan, the fearsome Mongolian warrior of the 13th century, may have done more than rule the largest empire in the world; according to a recently published genetic study, he may have helped populate it too.
An international group of geneticists studying Y-chromosome data have found that nearly 8 percent of the men living in the region of the former Mongol empire carry y-chromosomes that are nearly identical. That translates to 0.5 percent of the male population in the world, or roughly 16 million descendants living today.
Mother Nature Network considers him a climate change hero, based on the fact that he killed lots of people (and people are a scourge upon the earth):
"Over the course of the century and a half run of the Mongol Empire, about 22 percent of the world's total land area had been conquered and an estimated 40 million people were slaughtered by the horse-driven, bow-wielding hordes. Depopulation over such a large swathe of land meant that countless numbers of cultivated fields eventually returned to forests."Not sure why they left out Stalin and Mao.
This map from Wikipedia shows the growth of the Mongol Empire:
Adapted from Ed's Quotation Of The Day, only available via email. If you'd like to be added to his list, leave your email address in the comments.
10 Of The Creepiest Things Superheroes Have Done. Related: This Video Of Things Superheroes Do That’d Be Creepy If You Did Them.
5 delightful science experiments from 100 years ago.
Top 20 Technological Screw-Ups Of the 20th Century.
Ridiculous Japanese Products.
Incredibly Intricate Hand-Cut Paper Art.
5 delightful science experiments from 100 years ago.
Top 20 Technological Screw-Ups Of the 20th Century.
Ridiculous Japanese Products.
Incredibly Intricate Hand-Cut Paper Art.
One of the Most Famous Paintings in the White House Has a Huge Spelling Error.
ICYMI, Friday's links are here, including the guy who would become King Louis XX of France if the monarchy were restored, 10 things dogs hate about humans, and how the frequency of childhood diarrhea affects adult mate choice.
ICYMI, Friday's links are here, including the guy who would become King Louis XX of France if the monarchy were restored, 10 things dogs hate about humans, and how the frequency of childhood diarrhea affects adult mate choice.
Sunday, 17 August 2014
I've seen a few of these before, but not all, and they're pretty funny.
How much time have you wasted clipping one toenail at a time? You'll never get those minutes of your life back. But you don't have to waste any more.
Allergies? Tired of running out of paper products when you need to blow your nose?
See the rest of the set here. And, of course, there're these Japanese Robotic Buttock. Here's a Compilation of Weird Japanese Commercials, and there are more here.
Friday, 15 August 2014
Picking Your Soulmate and Picking the Cleanest Toilet at a Public Event in the Fewest Tries Have The Same Optimal Solution
If the French monarchy were restored, this guy would become King Louis XX of France.
From the archives: 10 things dogs hate about humans.
The never-ending conundrums of 19th century classical physics brainteasers.
During WWI, the War Department sent American artists to Europe. The Smithsonian recently digitized this artwork from the front lines, which has gone largely unseen for decades.
ICYMI, Tuesday's links are here and include lots of Schrödinger's cat stuff, the science of spiders on drugs, and medieval knights vs modern troops.
Thursday, 14 August 2014
I'm not sure I want this information, but it's now easily available. Is your grocery bill supporting your political opponents? Now you can avoid it.
Via WaPo: Bet the last time you were sipping Campbell’s soup or popping Pringles chips it never occurred to you that your eating habits could be political.
Never make that mistake again!
Enter Matthew Colbert, a former campaign and Hill staffer, who has built a new app for smartphones that allows users to scan the barcode of products in the grocery store and immediately find out what political party the company and its employees support.
Colbert told the Loop he developed the “BuyPartisan” app to give consumers more knowledge about how they spend their money. For some, it may translate to not buying a certain cereal anymore, for others it could simply be a conversation starter, Colbert said. But he hopes all users will appreciate having at their fingertips an awareness that a fraction of their grocery bill went to political contributions.
The app, based on data from Center for Responsive Politics, the Sunlight Foundation and the Institute for State Money in Politics, is the first rollout from Colbert’s new company, “Spend consciously.” It’s tagline: “Wouldn’t it be great if you could spend how you believed?”
The goal of the company, he said, is make “every day Election Day” through “spending choices.”
Read the whole thing. Excerpts:
Kopestonsy tried to loose the mountain lion, but the animal stalked her for half an hour.
"I would back up and it would creep forward, so I'd stop. Eventually it sort of crouched down, like part way," Kopestonsky said. "So, I start backing up down the mountain, which was really steep. And then it got up and walked toward me. At the closest point, it was eight feet away."
Finally, she decided to try something different.
"I don't know why, I just started singing opera really loud," Koestonsky said. "It kind of put its ears down and just kept looking at me, and it sort of backed away. Then, it came around the bushes an came towards me again and crouched about 10 feet away."
During the ordeal Kopestonsky had the presence of mind to call her housemate, who alerted the San Miguel County Sheriff's about the situation.
The jokes just write themselves.
Via Opposing Views: The bizarre story of a man who died after trying to have sex with a donkey is circulating all over Middle Eastern news sites.
Lebanese website Beiruting recently reported that a Saudi Sheikh man died after attempting to sodomize a donkey. But other sites have picked it up as well. Reports say that the man tied the donkey to his car, took off his pants and attempted the have sex with the animal.
The donkey, however, was not about to let that happen, and allegedly, it proceeded to kick the Sheikh man in the face following by three strong kicks to the chest. The man fell to the ground and allegedly suffered for some time before dying next to the angry animal.
When police arrived, they reportedly discovered the man’s body and were able to determine what had happened.
It’s impossible to confirm this story's accuracy and it sounds really out there, but it’s starting to pick up steam online. Who knows? Stranger things have happened.
Wednesday, 13 August 2014
This post is OK for work, but major warnings on the videos, especially the first two.
The always interesting Today I Found Out Has an interesting post on the history of South Park:
Once upon a time, way back in 1992, there were two young students at the University of Colorado named Trey Parker and Matt Stone. They collaborated on a crudely done short film called “Jesus vs. Frosty” which caught the eye of FOX exec Brian Graden in 1995. He hired the two lads to create another animated short that he could send to friends as a video Christmas greeting.
Parker and Stone came up with another film called “Jesus vs. Santa” (I’m sensing a theme here) that featured a martial arts battle between the Christmas rivals, followed by a subsequent mutual meeting of the minds over the true meaning of the holiday. This video was shared widely on the Internet and led to the creation of a series on Comedy Central.
It sent me looking for the short precursors from the mid-90's (major language warning for these videos - not safe for work or kids). I saw Jesus vs Santa Claus before Jesus vs Frosty, which was actually made a few years earlier, and in which, if you can imagine, the animation was less sophisticated. Also, when they killed Kenny, he was drawn as Cartman.
Jesus vs Santa Claus (again - NSFW language)
Jesus vs Frosty (and once again - NSFW language)
Today is the anniversary of the airing of the first episode from the actual show - read the whole post at Today I Found Out (and buy their excellent book, several of which I gave out as Christmas presents).
The pilot episode of South Park, Cartman Gets an Anal Probe (video below) aired on August 13, 1997, and quickly earned the highest rating of any basic cable program. The show, which chronicles the adventures of four third-graders named Stan (based on Parker), Kyle (based on Stone), Cartman and Kenny.
Tuesday, 12 August 2014
Today is Erwin Schrödinger's (he of the famous half-dead cat) 127th birthday: explanation, quotes, jokes, video.
Valar Morghulis: A Statistical Guide To Deaths In Game Of Thrones
This Is a Spider's Brain on Drugs.
Yesterday was Presidential Joke Day - jokes by, not about presidents. They're pretty lame, but if you want a laugh, this video of a baby boy's rapture over the sight of a remote control will make your whole day.
Could Modern Troops Defeat Medieval Knights in Hand-to-Hand Combat?
Valar Morghulis: A Statistical Guide To Deaths In Game Of Thrones
This Is a Spider's Brain on Drugs.
Yesterday was Presidential Joke Day - jokes by, not about presidents. They're pretty lame, but if you want a laugh, this video of a baby boy's rapture over the sight of a remote control will make your whole day.
Could Modern Troops Defeat Medieval Knights in Hand-to-Hand Combat?
How to detect speech in the vibrations of a potato chip bag, watched from a distance through soundproof glass.
ICYMI, Friday's links are here, and include the anniversary of the battle of Thermopylae, real-life werewolf origins, and some Guardian of the Galaxy science: what plants could Groot have evolved from?
ICYMI, Friday's links are here, and include the anniversary of the battle of Thermopylae, real-life werewolf origins, and some Guardian of the Galaxy science: what plants could Groot have evolved from?
If I am to have an interest in something, others must also have one. My word is seldom the first, but often the second, and may be inspired by a desire to contradict or to correct, but the consequent extension may turn out to be more important than the correction, which served only as a connection.
- Erwin Schrödinger (Nobel Prize address, 1933)
I insist upon the view that "all is waves."
- Schrödinger (letter to John Lighton Synge, 9 November 1959)
If we were bees, ants, or Lacedaemonian warriors, to whom personal fear does not exist, and cowardice is the most shameful thing in the world, warring would go on forever. But luckily we are only men - and cowards.
- Schrödinger (Mind and Matter, 1958)
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955) (letter to Schrödinger, 1950)
Today is the 127th anniversary of the birth of Austrian physicist Erwin (Rudolf Josef Alexander) Schrödinger (wiki) (1887-1961), one of the most important figures in the development of quantum theory. After early study at the University of Vienna and service in the Austrian fortress artillery during World War I, Schrödinger steadily advanced up the scientific/academic ladder in a series of positions at the universities of Stuttgart, Breslau, and Zurich before becoming a professor at the Friedrich Wilhelm University in Berlin in 1927. He left Germany with the rise of Nazism in 1933 and taught briefly at Oxford, but then returned to the University of Graz (Austria) in 1936. After Austria was absorbed into the Third Reich, Schrödinger fled to Italy, then to England and Belgium, eventually settling in Ireland for most of the rest of his life. Schrödinger's greatest contribution to quantum theory was in his challenge to the "Copenhagen interpretation" of quantum behavior, which described aspects of fundamental partiicles only in terms of their probabilities of observation. He dramatized the resulting contradictions with common sense by devising the "thought experiment" known as "Schrödinger's cat"** and substituted a quantum interpretation based on the idea of "wave mechanics," in which the position of a particle is described in terms of probability functions, 
, satisfying the Schrödinger wave equation,
, satisfying the Schrödinger wave equation,
"Science cannot tell us a word about why music delights us, or why and how an old song can move us to tears."
* N.B. Max von Laue (1879-1960) was a German physicist who won the Nobel Prize in 1914 for his work on the diffraction of X-rays by crystals.
** Schrödinger's cat: A cat, a flask of poison, and a radioactive source are placed in a sealed box. If an internal monitor detects radioactivity (i.e. a single atom decaying), the flask is shattered, releasing the poison that kills the cat. The Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics implies that after a while, the cat is simultaneously alive and dead. When one looks in the box, however, he sees the cat either alive or dead, not both alive and dead. This poses the question of when exactly quantum superposition ends and reality collapses into one possibility or the other. The Einstein quotation above refers to an earlier version of the experiment that replaced poison with an explosive charge to kill the cat.
(The above was taken from Ed's Quotation of the Day, available only via email. If interested in being added to his list, leave your information in the comments)
Anyone remember the Heisenberg joke about being stopped for speeding?
Heisenberg was driving down the Jersey Turnpike when a policeman pulled him over.
The policeman asked Heisenberg, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
And Heisenberg said, "No, but I can tell you exactly where I was."
The cop insists on searching the car (4th amendment doesn't apply in New Jersey) and then asks Schrödinger, "Do you know you have a dead cat in the trunk?",
Schrödinger replies, "Well, now I do."
And my personal favorite:
Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar... and doesn't.
Here's a brief (less than 2 minutes) explanation:
Here's a brief (less than 2 minutes) explanation:
And here's a Big Bang Theory discussion of the concept:
This is from Straight Dope, one of my favorite websites:
This is from Straight Dope, one of my favorite websites:
Schroedinger, Erwin! Professor of physics!
Wrote daring equations! Confounded his critics!
(Not bad, eh? Don't worry. This part of the verse
Starts off pretty good, but it gets a lot worse.)
Win saw that the theory that Newton'd invented
By Einstein's discov'ries had been badly dented.
What now? wailed his colleagues. Said Erwin, "Don't panic,
No grease monkey I, but a quantum mechanic.
Consider electrons. Now, these teeny articles
Are sometimes like waves, and then sometimes like particles.
If that's not confusing, the nuclear dance
Of electrons and suchlike is governed by chance!
No sweat, though — my theory permits us to judge
Where some of 'em is and the rest of 'em was."
Not everyone bought this. It threatened to wreck
The comforting linkage of cause and effect.
E'en Einstein had doubts, and so Schroedinger tried
To tell him what quantum mechanics implied.
Said Win to Al, "Brother, suppose we've a cat,
And inside a tube we have put that cat at —
Along with a solitaire deck and some Fritos,
A bottle of Night Train, a couple mosquitoes
(Or something else rhyming) and, oh, if you got 'em,
One vial prussic acid, one decaying ottom
Or atom — whatever — but when it emits,
A trigger device blasts the vial into bits
Which snuffs our poor kitty. The odds of this crime
Are 50 to 50 per hour each time.
The cylinder's sealed. The hour's passed away. Is
Our pussy still purring — or pushing up daisies?
Now, you'd say the cat either lives or it don't
But quantum mechanics is stubborn and won't.
Statistically speaking, the cat (goes the joke),
Is half a cat breathing and half a cat croaked.
To some this may seem a ridiculous split,
But quantum mechanics must answer, "Tough shit.
We may not know much, but one thing's fo' sho':
There's things in the cosmos that we cannot know.
Shine light on electrons — you'll cause them to swerve.
The act of observing disturbs the observed —
Which ruins your test. But then if there's no testing
To see if a particle's moving or resting
Why try to conjecture? Pure useless endeavor!
We know probability — certainty, never.'
The effect of this notion? I very much fear
'Twill make doubtful all things that were formerly clear.
Till soon the cat doctors will say in reports,
"We've just flipped a coin and we've learned he's a corpse."'
So saith Herr Erwin. Quoth Albert, "You're nuts.
God doesn't play dice with the universe, putz.
I'll prove it!" he said, and the Lord knows he tried —
In vain — until fin'ly he more or less died.
Win spoke at the funeral: "Listen, dear friends,
Sweet Al was my buddy. I must make amends.
Though he doubted my theory, I'll say of this saint:
Ten-to-one he's in heaven — but five bucks says he ain't."
— Cecil Adams
There's lots of Schrödinger's cat merchandise out there - try Amazon and/or Cafepress.
Google's logo from this date in 2013:
There's lots of Schrödinger's cat merchandise out there - try Amazon and/or Cafepress.
Google's logo from this date in 2013:
Monday, 11 August 2014
The holiday began in 1984, when Ronald Reagan made a joke during a sound check for a radio broadcast. "My fellow Americans,” he said, "I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." (audio only clip at youtube here).
Reagan was not aware, however, that his feed was live. And unfortunately, not everyone got the joke. Soviet officials got word of the broadcast and put the military on high alert.
Once the threat of nuclear war had abated, Americans found the situation hilarious, and decided to memorialize Reagan’s famous quip by instituting National Presidential Joke Day on August 11th. To get you geared up to celebrate this holiday properly, we’re saluting these presidential knee-slappers.
RONALD REAGAN
"I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself."
"I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency -- even if I'm in a Cabinet meeting."
"Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first."
"Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his."
"I hope you're all Republicans." —Speaking to surgeons as he entered the operating room following a 1981 assassination attempt
GEORGE W. BUSH
"These stories about my intellectual capacity really get under my skin. You know, for a while I even thought my staff believed it. There on my schedule first thing every morning it said, 'Intelligence Briefing.'"
''Thank you for your email. This Internet of yours is a wonderful invention.'' —To Al Gore during the 2000 presidential campaign
“We’re studying safe levels for arsenic in drinking water. To base our decision on sound science, the scientists told us we needed to test the water glasses of about 3,000 people. Thank you for participating.” —At the 2001 Radio-Television Correspondents’ Association dinner
''The candidates are an interesting group, with diverse opinions -- for tax cuts and against them, for NAFTA and against NAFTA, for the Patriot Act and against the Patriot Act, in favor of liberating Iraq and opposed to it. And that's just one senator from Massachusetts.'' —During the 2004 campaign against John Kerry
BARACK OBAMA (This list is from a Mental Floss article in 2012 - presumably there have been additional jokes from Obama since then)
''If I had to name my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility. Greatest weakness, it's possible that I'm a little too awesome.''
”There are few things in life harder to find and more important to keep than love. Well, love and a birth certificate.”
''Many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father. What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for 'That One.' And I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn't think I'd ever run for president.”
OTHERS:
''Did you ever think that making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg? It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.'' —Lyndon Johnson
“I just received the following wire from my generous Daddy: Dear Jack, Don't buy a single vote more than is necessary. I'll be damned if I'm going to pay for a landslide.” —John F. Kennedy, addressing complaints that his father’s money was buying the primary for him.
''My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.” —Jimmy Carter
"When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'present' or 'not guilty.'" —Teddy Roosevelt
''In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.'' —John Adams
"Being president is like running a cemetery: you've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening." —Bill Clinton
“If I were two faced, would I be wearing this one?” —Abraham Lincoln
So it's for a fantasy football TV channel, apparently, but who cares about that?
I really like the part with Broadway Joe* (wiki) making stew with their mom, and the bit with the guy being showered with tiny footballs.
Watch full screen.
Here's last year's Football On Your Phone, subtitled Football in Your Pants”:
*Vaguely related, here's an old shaving cream commercial with Joe Namath and Farrah Fawcett (before she became famous):
And his famous pantyhose commercial:
Saturday, 9 August 2014
PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. - Cats have been disappearing in one Port St. Lucie neighborhood so when Sergeant John Holman was called to the 600 block of SE Faith Terrace Friday morning for a report of a deceased cat, he discovered what the culprit was.
Hidden inside some bushes, Sgt. Holman spotted a 12-foot long 120-pound Burmese Python.
Neighbors believe the large snake has been eating the cats.
The sergeant called for backup to help get the large snake from the brush.
With the help of backup, officers were able to extricate the snake, Sabol said. Four snakes, including the Burmese python, were added to the state’s no-import list in 2012.
Despite being included on the list in 2012, plus a cold-weather freeze in January 2013 that killed many snakes, pythons remain a serious threat and getting rid of them has proven difficult. A Burmese python can lay between 20-80 eggs each spring.
Friday, 8 August 2014
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have been around for a long time, although I've personally always thought that teaching generations of kids that nuclear waste is not only healthy but will, in fact, turn you into a superhero was a bad idea. They're kind of like Toxic Avenger but not as gross-looking.
So, here's some history:
via Neatorama:
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have been around for over thirty years, in so many different iterations that you need a script to keep up. Your favorite version probably depends on what age you were when you were introduced to them, and what comic/cartoon/movie was hot at the time. As we retrace their history through this video, you’ll be treated to lots of TMNT trivia along the way.
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